Day by day with Diabetes

Happy New Year

2012-01-03T18:28:00.002-05:00

Hello New Year! Why we celebrate the New Year in the most dreary and least “new” part of the year, I will never really comprehend. But none-the-less, here it is; 2012.

A long standing ritual at this time of the year is the New Years’ Resolution where basically we make a list of completely unattainable goals that we can later beat ourselves up about because we have been unable to meet these high expectations that we have placed on ourselves. That is not to say I am against goal setting, I just think goal should be well thought out and that one should set him or herself up for success! So with this criteria in mind, here are a few of my goals for 2012.

My A1c’s have been consistently at 7.1 for the last 3 tests. Overall, not bad numbers and as my endo says the number is consistent which shows good control. But I can do better! So, my A1c goal is to drop to 6.7 at my next test (which is in March) and maintain that number for the duration of 2012.
Lose 10lbs. I know this is always on everyone’s new years’ resolution list. But really, I should. I don’t really need to, as my BMI and overall weight and shape are just fine for my height and age etc. However having Fibromyalgia as well as Diabetes the extra 10 lbs that have found their way to mostly my ass and hips need to be gone. By removing the excess weight I know I will have fewer fibro flair-ups and overall better blood glucose control.
2012 was the “year of Austerity” in our household but it was also the year of the couch! So goal number three is two-part: 3a). Continue our frugal lifestyle (see the blog The Year of Austerity for full story behind this) and 3b). Get off the couch! I have a suspicion that the couch has contributed to those 10 pounds that I gained over the course of 2011, so sorry couch, you will be much lonelier this year!

I do have a few other goals but these are the primary ones, the ones that are measurable in quantitative terms per se.

Learning to keep "D" close

2011-12-19T13:33:00.001-05:00

It’s a funny thing being [an adult] diabetic. You spend so much of your time getting used to the idea; struggling to keep blood glucose numbers in the proper range, eating the proper foods in the proper quantity. Getting the proper amount of sleep and exercise and making sure you act proper when around other people (i.e. don’t let your emotions get the better of you or let your sugar lows cause you to do something erratic).

Sometimes being diabetic is so mentally and emotionally engulfing that you might forget or simply do not notice the impact diabetes has on the loved ones around you. After all, they see more that just diabetes; they see the sadness that diabetes causes and the struggles of maintaining “normal” blood glucose numbers. Often they become the crutch for the diabetic – the strength we draw upon when we are in the midst of diabetes battles.

But I have come to realize that this is not necessarily fair. While it is important for me to have the support of friends and family I should never put the weight of being diabetic on them. There are so many things about being diabetic that a non-diabetic could never understand and there are many things about being diabetic that a diabetic should never expect their non-diabetic loved ones to know.

This is not about keeping secrets or withholding information because I am a huge advocate of helping non-diabetic people learning about this condition/disease I fondly call “Ms. Diabetes”, but I now understand that I can keep some of the gory details and specifics to myself.

Bah Humbug

2011-12-06T13:37:00.000-05:00

Last night, I started reading Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. It just happened to be on my Kindle and while I have seen the movie a few times, it is one of the Dickens’ classics that I have never read.

Ol’ Ebenezer and I have a lot in common it seems… December. This is supposed to be a time of the year for joy and happiness and forgiveness and general good will toward “man”. Does that include Ms. Diabetes? Should I have good will toward her? I have to be honest, she has been rather well behaved lately. Other than a week of highs due to a nasty cold, I have been able to maintain blood glucose readings within the 3.2-7.9 mmol/L range. I expect that my next A1c will reward me with a number below 7 (a first for me as I have been hovering around 7.1 for the past 3 tests…). But I have been working pretty hard for these numbers. I don’t think Ms. Diabetes deserves any credit.

But Christmas is a tough time of the year. Generally I consume 90g or less, carbohydrates a day, but for the next 20 or so days I am trying to limit that even further to around 50-60g. This is tough being that everywhere I turn there are cookies, cakes, chocolates etc. Part of the reason for this self imposed partial moratorium from carbs is in preparation for the plethora of goodies that will be served up all around.

Christmas time is also tough (for me) because generally I don’t like “gatherings” or gift exchanging. I find both, uncomfortable, stressful and generally unnecessary. Oh, and the food, did I mention the food??

I guess I have the pre-winter blahs. I know for most people December is a time for merriment and good times; that the mood lows come later on in January and February and March. But for me, it always starts now. I find too, that being Diabetic makes me particularly susceptible to feeling depressed; add the erratic nature of the disease to the stresses of the holiday season and whammy! I just want to hide; curl up in bed not to emerge until April 1 (the day I think should be “New Year”).“Bah Humbug” as Mr. Scrooge would say. “Bah Humbug” indeed.

Every Day is Diabetes Day

2011-11-18T20:06:00.010-05:00

November is Diabetes Awareness month and November 14^th was international Diabetes day. This year is extra special as it is the 90^th anniversary of insulin - one of the greatest medical discoveries in the world. There were many diabetes related activities; fund raising events, blog writing blitzes, Team Blue activities. Many cities around the world even embraced world diabetes day by illuminating their prominent buildings and structures in blue light.

Diabetes awareness is vital in building the momentum for raising the funds that will one day support the discovery of a cure. Most diabetics play their own part toward this discovery and for most of us it is more than a once a year event. While it is important to have a special day when we can make a big global splash it is the little things we all do on a daily basis that is the true driver.

The Diabetic-On-Line (DOC) community is full of passionate and creative people; all of whom live everyday with Diabetes. For all of us, Diabetes is more than one day a year or even one month; Diabetes is 24/7/365.

Ms. Diabetes - always the Drama Queen

2011-11-04T15:49:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since my last blog entry. I’d like to say it’s because I have been having so much fun doing other things. Or that Diabetes no longer has a hold on me or my life, but sadly neither of these is true. Things have not been bad, just busy – with “life”.

About 8 days ago I caught my first cold of the season. This has been a bad one. Started with swollen glands, sore throat and has worked its way through on and off again boughts of fever, sinus congestion and pain, and just overall feeling shitty. Through all of this Ms. Diabetes has really been of no help. She really is such a drama queen. For 4 days my blood glucose levels hovered in the range of 18-22 (324-360). For those who are not Diabetic – people can go into a coma when at these numbers. It did not seem to matter what I did for my cold or for Ms. Diabetes, I was not getting better and my numbers were not coming down.

I gave in and went to see a Doctor. Anyone who reads my blog knows how I feel about doctors but it seemed like a necessary evil. As I suspected he told me I have a sinus infection and that he recommends I take antibiotics to get better. I don’t like antibiotics and normally I would just let nature take its course and get better in whatever time it takes. But my blood glucose numbers were concerning me. Not only because of the health implications for me but because of my hopes to have a baby and I had fears of my next A1c number being too high for the “green light”. So against my better judgment, I filled my prescription and began my treatment.

Three days into my treatment of antibiotics, not only do I not feel any better, I am also nauseous – gotta love antibiotics – not only do they (hopefully) kill the bacteria that is causing the illness but they kill everything else that is good inside you too. But at least my blood glucose numbers have been more reasonable which for me, was the main point.

After 3 days away from work, in bed feeling miserable, I hope that my improved blood glucose numbers will allow my body to finally get to what it needs to do to heal.

Sugar Plums

2011-09-06T18:01:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year. End of Summer and for those lucky enough to have fruit and vegetables in the garden - Harvest. My husband and I accompanied by my niece from Calgary and of course Mr. Frodo just spent the last 10 days picking all the plums off the plum tree in our urban home back yard. It amazes me when I think that we live in down town Toronto in a house that was originally built in 1882 on a plot of land that is 30x150 that we can grow 25 spaghetti squash, 6 corn plants, 9 tomato plants, 12 pole bean plants, 8 cucumber plants, 8 potato plants and a whole swack of greens. But it is even more amazing that we have a huge Damson Plum tree in our back yard that yield over 210 pounds of juicy sweet / tart plums.

That is a lot of plums! We have preserved close to half of them so far in the form of jam, chutney, whole jarred plums and my soon to be favourite Pickled Plums. We are up to 90 jars of preserves ranging in size from 125ml to 1 litre. We had to freeze some because my production kitchen could not keep up with my husband and niece’s pitting production.

My husband went at lunch time to purchase more jars so I can continue my jamming this evening and every evening this week until we have managed to preserve all 210 lbs or plums.

The benefit of having so much lovely sweet / tart fresh fruit to preserve is we will have the taste of summer all winter long as will all our friends and family. The down side to this is the 3lbs of plums that managed to find their way to my waist line (I had to taste each batch after all, and usually with some yummy bread or croissant...) and of course the blood glucose ups and downs from all the tasting. For the most part I did a good job of managing my blood sugars. I made a variety of jams from “Sourpuss” to “Sweet Sauvour” and each one is equal in their deliciousness which explains the rapid gain of weight... I hope this does not mean another 3lbs is awaiting me while I deal with the remaining 100+ lbs of plums.

Guilt

2011-06-03T11:25:00.001-04:00

Guilt:

–noun

the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability: He admitted his guilt.

a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

conduct involving the commission of such crimes, wrongs, etc.: to live a life of guilt.

–verb (used with object) Informal .

to cause to feel guilty (often followed by out or into )

Diabetes for many people invokes different emotions and feelings. A common one amongst Diabetics is the feeling of guilt. Guilt is a common topic of conversation of the on-line discussions both in blogs and within the DOC (diabetic on-line community). Many people feel this emotion for numerous and very valid reasons. I, however, am not one of those people. I can honestly say guilt has never entered my thoughts when it comes to my life as a diabetic.

Some of the feelings or emotions that I do experience include: Anger at diabetes because she has made many simple things difficult; Fear of the unknown; Relief to finally know why I have felt so crappy for so many years of my life; Sympathy for those people who experience other chronic conditions or illnesses; Comfort in knowing I am not alone; Annoyance at ignorance and stupidity ( D- police for example); Sense of Routine that Diabetes demands which give my life the structure that I may not have had without it; Love for the people closest to me who make their own sacrifices in order to be supportive; But guilt has never entered my thoughts. I do not feel guilty because I have done nothing wrong. I do not feel guilty because I do not think of myself as a burden on anyone – and if anyone does feel this way, they have put that on themselves, not me.

As a diabetic, especially one who was diagnosed later in life there is a huge learning curve and there are a number of different emotions one goes through. Similar to other types of loss many of the 5 stages of grief apply; some people may get through the steps quickly and some may linger a bit. But ultimately we reach a state of acceptance and we move on. Diabetes is now part of life and hopefully the choice is made to make the most of the life you have rather than dwelling on the life that’s lost.

Where guilt seems to come into the equation for some is the perceived burden we become to our family and loved ones or the worry we cause. If people in my life want to worry about me or feel that I am a burden, there is nothing I can do about that. They are choosing to do that to themselves. The best I can do is educate and openly discuss Diabetes with them to help them understand it and to understand that I am dealing with it the best I can with the tools and knowledge that is available.

To be honest, I just don’t understand the emotion of guilt; it is right up there with regret. While both are valid feelings I personally think they are wasted emotions – they are the empty calories of emotional well being. It is not to say that I do not look back and reflect on the choices I have made, e.g. eating that second piece of red velvet cheese cake from Cheese Cake Factory was probably not a good idea. But I had the opportunity to choose before eating it, and afterward, I have the opportunity to handle the consequences by doing 3 days of basal corrections. But I chose willingly and with awareness. Therefore I feel no guilt about the after effects and I do not feel guilty because my husband might be worried about me. Of course he’s worried about me. It is human nature to worry about those whom you love most. But I am not the cause of his worry. Just like I had a choice to eat the cheese cake, he has a choice to worry about me.

I realize this outlook is awfully pragmatic and not everyone does or can think this way. But for me, of all the emotions I do feel, guilt just never comes into the equation. I have discussed it with my husband. I have asked him if he feels undue stress or worry about me because of diabetes. But ultimately he knows I am on top of it and while every day can be challenging he knows I am doing all I can do to be informed and responsible to myself and in turn responsible to him and others.

For those who do feel guilt for all the various reasons that you have, it’s okay, but you must try to find a way to be easier on your self – you cannot change the way others react or deal with what is going on with you. Only they can to that. As a Diabetic we have enough to worry about for ourselves, we cannot be held as responsible for the feelings of others.

Ms. Diabetes: Ten Things I HATE about you - Thursday 5/12: Diabetes Blog Week

2011-05-12T11:22:00.000-04:00

Today's Diabetes Blog Week post is an opportunity to vent about the top ten things that piss us off about having diabetes. As is true with most things in life, having a positive outlook is the best approach but sometimes one needs to just tell things as they are, even if it means being a big ol' "poopy pants". So here are my top 10 things that I really hate about diabetes:

10. Human pin cushion: I hate that my fingers, hips and stomach look like someone has used me as a voodoo doll; puncture marks indicating that some kind of repetitive trauma has been inflicted on me. Scar-tissue build-up that forces me to move the sights of your sadistic pleasure.

9. Mathematics: I have never been good with math and therefore hate counting carbohydrates. Thank goodness my husband is an Engineer and can rattle off numbers I can understand when the packaging says there are 36 grams carb per serving, where a serving equals “x”. I want to enjoy eating, not turn every meal, snack or social event into a Math-A-Thon.

8. Constantly sick and constantly playing role of detective: I hate that you took so much of my childhood/young adult life – without even divulging that you were there. So many times my mother would tell me there was nothing wrong with me; that I was just lazy (when I’d complain of being tired and feeling sick). Or the constant emotional rollercoaster ride you sent me through not knowing it was because I had high or low blood sugars. The constant arguments with doctors because it was not my fault they could not figure out what was wrong with me – and even if it was “in my head” they still needed to fix it.

7. Inter-Human Relationships: My friends and family are busy people. Sometimes they want to do things on a schedule that is mutually agreeable for all. But you are not very flexible. You demand routine and consistency. I hate that I get upset with friends and family because they have forgotten that I NEED to eat at specific times of the day. They don’t know you like I do. They cannot understand your wrath if you don’t get your way.

6. Food is now administered like medicine rather than eaten for pleasure or comfort: Gone are the days of eating whatever I want because it is tasty and delicious. While my eating habits are probably for the better I still hate you for taking away a few simple pleasures that most everyone else take for granted. I hate that I really cannot eat bananas (a fruit rich in potassium), pizza (no more Chicago style deep dish or Mediterranean flat bread), potatoes (I’m of German descent for goodness sake….), wheat pasta, croissant, black forest cake (see potatoes) …

6b. I hate the weight gain you cause because you make me eat when I am not even hungry. The only time you do allow me to have a cookie, or cake or sugar is when I am low, and of course I feel like you are force feeding me because actually, you are.

5. Heart pounding, sweat inducing, mind racing, adrenaline rush: I hate, hate, hate, when my blood glucose goes low.

5b. Sleepy, head-achy, coma like sleep that leaves me feeling like I was hit by a bus: I hate the post low crash.

5c. Testing, bolusing, correcting, stressing: I hate the post low high.

4. Travel used to be one of life’s greatest pleasures but now it is full of check lists and medical notes and compression socks, high blood sugar numbers: I hate the physical discomfort you cause when I travel.

3. Being of half Scandinavian descent I always boasted about how I will look healthy and youthful well into my 70’s but that is now a distant dream: I hate that my skin will age like an old leather hand bag.

2. Prioritizing: I hate that I cannot make other things in my life to be the priority (like my husband, or my dog or my friends or my career), but you are demanding and needy and ruthless. If I don’t put you first you are very cruel with your retaliation. 2+ hours a day I dedicate to you 100%. The other ~22 you also seem to consume.

1. I don’t actually need any more “reasons”: I just hate you. Period.

Diabetes bloopers - Wednesday 5/11: Diabetes Blog Week

2011-05-11T14:34:00.002-04:00

The third day of Diabetes Blog Week is all about bloopers, or more specifically Diabetes Bloopers. Last night I was talking to my husband about the topic, about how I did not know if I could write anything because I have not had any diabetes bloopers. He kind of looked at me with this “really, seriously? You don’t remember all those times when…” look. Then he reminded me of this one time when we were still dating. It was early on in our relationship and I did not really know how much he wanted to be involved in my condition or how much I wanted to involve him.

He was do this “bootcamp” style work out every morning and told me all about the cool moves and how he was seeing real progress from it. I generally don’t like doing things in groups – more of a solitary individual – so I thought I would incorporate these new found techniques into my “individual” exercise routine. It was awesome; a great intense workout in a really short amount of time. One night I had decided to take my workout to a nearby park. I did the short 1km jog to the park and started to do my lunges and squats and push-ups and sit-ups – pushing myself against the clock. Next thing I knew, I was laying on the ground, the world spinning around me. Someone had come over to see if I was ok. I remember incoherently rambling “yeah, yeah, I’m totally ok, no worries… thanks for asking…” I had brought some sugar tablets with me so I popped the 3 that I had into my mouth. But the world just kept spinning. I remembered that I had my mobile on me. At first I contemplated “who should I call?” I did not want to bother my boyfriend or any of my friends for that matter, and I still had not decided if this was in fact an emergency. The world was really spinning fast. I was sweating and hyperventilating and I was basically paralyzed only able to move my arms and hands enough to press 911 on my mobile.

Shortly I could hear the sound of sirens. I was in the middle of a park just off a busy residential street and the Beltline (a community running path in midtown Toronto). I was not easily accessible by a vehicle… But the nice paramedics found me and were able to stabilize me then took me to the hospital for continued monitoring.

I sent my boyfriend a text from the ambulance that said “hey! On way to hospital. Diabetic shock. Will call or text later. xoxo” Hahaha… sigh… the foggy-sugar-low-brain was still not thinking very rationally…

Oddly, my boyfriend (now husband) did not hold this bazaar behaviour against me… He has even become used to and maybe even accustom to the bazaar sugar low behaviour. It seems my bloopers are always the result of a sugar low. Like this one time while on a Bahamian cruise for a friend’s wedding, a large group of us had gone together for the evening variety entertainment show. Most people in the group wanted to sit at the very front and of course it was a packed house. Just before the first act comes out my sugar plummets – my glucometer registering a reading of 1.7 (30). When I am low I usually experience the flight response (opposed to the fight response). I looked at my husband, said I’m low, gotta go and I proceeded to exit via what I thought was the least disruptive path. Of course it was not disruptive at all. I climbed over rows and rows of people saying “Excuse me. I’m sorry. Diabetic coming through.” Our friends ask if I was “ok” and my husband calmly responded with “Yep she’ll be ok. She just does that sometimes…”

Letter writing day - Tuesday 5/10: Diabetes Blog Week

2011-05-10T15:01:00.000-04:00

Meine Liebste Insulinpen,

Du dumme Scheiße!!!

Okay, I know there is no excuse for shouting and name calling even if it is in another language and even if the offender is an inanimate object...

But really, Insulin Pen, why must you behave so badly? In most cases and with most things I am very willing to admit that the fault lies with the user and not the apparatus. But how can it be my fault that you insist on spitting out the insulin upon retraction of the needle from my flesh? When you do that , I have no way of knowing how much insulin I have actually managed to inject. What can I do when you have behaved this way? Do I wait and see? Do I inject more? Do I eat less?

I know Ms. Diabetes is a trickster; that she loves to react in different ways to things that she should have no adverse reaction to at all. But I refuse to blame her entirely. She is difficult and sometimes irrational, but she is always willing to receive the nectar of life that is pushed into my flesh via you.

So it is you, I have decided, who is the problem. Stop spitting out the insulin. Stop it! I will gladly rotate injection sites if this is what you need, even if it means contorting my body like some circus performer, just to reach that fresh spot. I am happy to always use a fresh needle if this helps the process. I will gladly bunch up my skin or tighten it flat - whatever you want. But enough with the expectoration.

Sincerely,

Your User

Admiring our differences - Monday 5/9: Diabetes Blog Week

2011-05-09T15:05:00.001-04:00

Well, this is Diabetes Blog Week! As a reasonably new D-blogger and new to the D-OC in general I feel so honoured to be in such fine company of D-bloggers. Thank you to Karen at Bitter Sweet Diabetes for making this event happen and for giving me the opportunity to be a part of it.

When I was first diagnosed with the big D almost 7 years ago (June 2004), I really had no idea what that meant. Obviously I had heard of the disease – I had seen the commercials featuring Mary Tyler Moore pleading for donations to the JDRF – but aside from that, I knew not a single person who had Diabetes or what being Diabetic would mean for me and the ongoing quality of my life.

Six years had gone by since Ms. Diabetes and I were formally introduced and I still really had no true picture of Diabetes. Who is impacted? How are they impacted? Why do people react to Ms. Diabetes the way they do? Then one day my husband suggested a blog site that he thought I needed to read. He told me it was written by this amazing woman named Kerri Morrone Sparling; he told me she seemed to have a lot of personal insight to diabetes, that maybe I could learn more about it by reading her blog.

Well, learn I did! I learned that yes, in fact she is exceptionally knowledgeable about diabetes. I learned that she is funny too. I also learned that there is a whole community of D people! For the first time I did not feel so alone battling this enigma I have fondly named Ms. Diabetes.

Through finding Kerri at Six Until Me I also found many more awesome D people with so many stories to tell and so much hope an inspiration to give. I have learned about how Diabetes is often misrepresented and misunderstood in the media and even by some of our medical practitioners – and how we DIABETICS can have a voice to change this. I have learned about the different types of Diabetics (Type 1, Type 2, LADA) and how we are all different yet all share a commonality. I have been introduced to a bacon loving diabetic ninja, some really amazing D-moms and dads who day in and day out care for and worry about their diabetic child or children and even a fellow Canuck (Canadian D-gal) who lives only 50 km away from me in a neighbouring city. I have also had the good fortune to interact with some awesome Type 2 diabetics - whom at first, I did not really think had anything in common with me - but as I learned through reading their blogs and tweets, while they do deal with some issues unique to their condition, we are all equally sweet inside. I have even been introduced to a magical unicorn who is not only very real, is a diabetes advocate and a fellow lover of bacon.

Almost a full year has passed since I first got on-line; first read a d-blog; first replied to a d-tweet; first wrote my blog entry. I am so much the wiser and my life is so much more enriched by all the different people and perspectives. I am thankful for our differences but I am mostly thankful for what we share in common – a love for life and living the best one we can.

(note: Bacon is the one thing both Ms. Diabetes and I agree on 100% )

Renewed Inspiration

2011-05-02T14:50:00.001-04:00

Last night was a rough one. I have had bad days and nights in the past as I know we all have. But I am either becoming less tolerant of them or they are getting worse. Maybe a combo of the two…

As well as being a Type 1 diabetic for almost 7 years, I was diagnosed over 10 years ago with Fibromyalgia. The day to day pain from Fibro is grating. Mild enough not to be debilitating but chronic enough to cause me undue stress and depression. Basically on a scale of 1:10 on a good day my pain level is 6.5; on a not so good day maybe a 7.5-8; and on a “I need to stay in bed because I can’t move – Oh God please kill me” day around 11.

Thankfully those “pain of 11” days are few and far between but the days of 7.5 – 8 are quite common especially since I stopped taking the amino acid supplement 5-htp. 5-htp is not favourable for pregnancy or breast feeding and has been linked to causing symptoms of infertility, so I stopped taking it about 6 weeks ago in my effort to get a bun in this oven.

Last night while laying awake in bed thinking about how sick I am of feeling sick and tired and achy; and how sad it makes me to know I can’t constantly display my happiness with my life to my husband (because he has truly made me happier than I could even have imagined) I started to think that maybe the process of blogging is not the best thing. I started to question the cathartic nature of it and asked myself if it is just a mass means of complaining. I like to think of myself as a reasonably stoic individual. But blogging about one’s chronic condition is far from stoic.

I decided last night that was it. I was no more going to tweet or blog about Diabetes (or any other chronic condition). Who is she (Ms. Diabletes) anyway? Why does she deserve so much air time? So that was that. A done deal.

Then this morning I received via twitter and facebook these posts about D-blog week inspired by Karen at Bitter Sweet Diabetes . And I had to smile. Her mantra is “...because life with diabetes isn’t all bad”. And of course, she’s right.

So I am leaving my one person pity party, learning to meditate to calm my anxiety and getting my ass in gear to work past the physical aches and pains of Fibromyaglia and Diabetes. Oh and I am signing up for a week of Diabetes blogging…

“D” Friendly Foods - Pancakes

2011-04-22T14:07:00.001-04:00

Ms. Diabetes and food are not always good friends. My experience has been that she seems to want food but in the end has no idea what to do with it and lets the food take over, causing her and me great discomfort. I try my best to help Ms. Diabetes buy providing her yummy, low carbohydrate, high protein and high fibre foods. I also help her along by providing multiple daily injections of insulin. But every once in a while (more often that I’d like to admit) Ms. Diabetes and I crave carbs. Evil. Starchy. Tasty. Carbohydrates.

This morning I had just such an event. I looked at my husband and declared that I was making pancakes for breakfast! Yes! PANCAKES! But over the past year I have worked very hard at lowering my A1cs and stabilizing my daily blood glucose numbers. I was not going to toss all that out the window for any old pancake.

Lately I have given up on wheat based products (as much as possible anyway). I don’t use wheat flower in anything anymore and frequently use spelt or rice flour as the substitute. I have also become a huge fan of almond flour and buckwheat flour. So I took a look in my cupboard and found rolled oats, spelt flour and almond flour. So that is what I used for my pancakes. A side of naturally raised local bacon and organic scrambled eggs and breakfast was not only delicious but pretty Diabetes friendly.

Here is the recipe (my own concoction… so feel free to play around with it as well)

Ingredients

1 ½ cups dry rolled oats
1 cup almond flour
½ spelt flour
3 egg
1 cup milk (I use organic goat milk… but to each his own…)
1 Tbsp safflower or vegetable oil
1 Tbsp Walnut oil
1 Tbsp baking powder
1 Tbsp vanilla
1 tsp cinnamon
1-2 med. size apples peeled and diced
Cooking spray

Preparation

Place all dry ingredients in bowl. Mix together for 20 seconds.
Beat the Eggs lightly in a separate bowl. Add the milk and vanilla. Stir together.
Mix the wet mixture into the dry mixture and stir until contents are smooth and well blended.
Stir in the apples to the mixture
Spray a griddle or skillet with cooking spray. Heat over medium heat. Pour 1/4 cup of pancake mixture on the hot surface. Cook until the pancakes are dry and bubbly on the edges. Bubbles should appear on top, as well. Turn and brown the other side.
Try using unsweetened applesauce, mixed fruit or almond butter and sugar free fruit spread to top your pancakes as an alternative to maple syrup.

Yields 8, 4 inch pancakes (approx 25 gram carb and 4 gram fibre per pancake)

When the patient gets to be teacher

2011-04-08T13:30:00.003-04:00

Today I visited my Endocrinologist for my regular 3 month check up. I really like my Endo. She is knowledgeable and calm and non-judging. She is the first doctor in my life-time of medical providers whom I actually look forward to seeing. When I was called into the office though my heart skipped a bit; who is this person taking me into my Dr.’s office? Where is my Endo?

The doctor introduced herself and told me she is working with my Endo; learning more about Diabetes. Great – I thought to myself – just what I need, a student… Don’t get me wrong. I am all for teaching hospitals after all the best way to learn is by doing. But why do I have to be the subject of the learning exercise?

The “student” doctor was nice and polite. She read through the notes from my last Endo visit and had me explain how things have been going since my last visit. I started to explain to her the changes that my Endo and I agreed to make and how I have made slight alterations and adjustments based on how my body was responding to the changes. At one time she got this look on her face that was a mixture of excitement, fear and disbelief. Then she said to me “this is all so very interesting. I normally deal with Type 2 diabetics at my family practice clinic, I never realized how much more involved the treatment and monitoring is for Type 1”. Realizing she was truly there to learn I began to explain the numbers on my colourful excel spreadsheet where I chart my daily stats and progress. She asked me to explain the whole carb counting thing and the correction factors. She was genuinely fascinated and interested; taking notes and asking questions.

When my Endo did arrive in the room, the “student” doctor debriefs her on what we have discussed. To my surprise she was thorough and accurate with all the information she relayed. Then she tells me and my Endo that this has been a most enlightening experience; that she has learned so much. It is not very often that the patient gets to be the teacher or provider of information to our medical professionals. Often I have had medical professional react in an opposite manner where they actually dismiss information I am trying to provide.

Not only did I leave my Endo appointment with the good news that my A1cs have come down slightly from last visit and the nod of approval from my Endo for doing a good job of managing my Diabetes, but I also helped one more person understand the complexity and the level of effort it takes to be a good Diabetic . The fact that this person is a Medical professional makes the experience even better because I know she was there to learn so she can provide better support to her patients at her family medicine practice.

As someone who specializes in adult learning it is never a surprise to me where or how one can learn new things. What is particularly gratifying is that there are people – professionals – who are willing to say “I don’t know enough and I am going to be open to learning from any and every source available”.

This is a rare but awesome thing. Today I feel we (Diabetics) have made one small step forward in a world and lifestyle that is constantly trying to hold us back.

Diabetes Experimentation – Round and Round we go

2011-03-22T15:43:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel bad for Ms. Diabetes. She is so misunderstood. I want us to get along. I do really want her and I to have a good relationship but she is not a good communicator. She provides me information in the form of riddles and puzzles and frankly I don’t want to play games with her as she really does not play fair.

I recently switched my night time insulin. After 3 years of doing really well on Levemir, I am once again back on Humulin N. This switch has led to a lot of blood glucose "penduluming" and overall bad control. Three months in and I am going bonkers. So, once again I am experimenting with my body and my food intake.

This week I am eating the exact same thing for every meal; a Zone bar for breakfast (24 gram carbohydrate, 3 grams fibre), for lunch, Caesar salad with 1 plain grilled chicken breast, slice of asiago cheese, ¼ cup chickpeas and 100gr whole fat yogurt (25.25 grams carbohydrate, 4 grams fibre), 2 cups hearty soup (with beans or fibrous root vegetable), for diner, 6 oz serving of meat (chicken, pork or beef), salad or some kind of low carb / high fibre vegetable (75 gram carbohydrate, 13 gram fibre) and for snack an apple, orange or grapefruit (approx 17 gram carbohydrate, 4 gram fibre). My total carbohydrate count for a given day is 141.25 less 24 grams of fibre. As a general rule I try to keep my carbohydrate intake around 150 so I can probably increase my food intake a bit next week.

My purpose for this restricted diet is to watch my blood glucose and how foods impact my numbers. I am also hoping that by having such tight control over my food I can see more clearly the other day to day factors that are impacting my numbers.

I use a ratio of 10:1 for my injections. I was down to 12:1 but have found that with Humulin N as part of my Insulin treatment I need the extra Humalog with meals. So back to 10:1. The ratio 10:1 means that for every 10 grams of carbohydrate that I consume, I will require 1 unit of insulin. For example, the Zone bar that I eat at breakfast has 24 grams of carbohydrate and 3 grams of fibre so net 21 grams of carbohydrate to bolus for. Theoretically, if my blood glucose is 6 I will need to inject 2 units of insulin with the consumption of my Zone bar to maintain a blood glucose number of 6.

Two days ago my morning blood glucose (at 8am) was 5.2. Awesome number! I ate my zone bar and injected 2 units of insulin and off to work I went. At 10:30 am I tested my blood glucose levels and my glucometer read 8.8. Hmmmmm…. I did not panic. I waited until lunch. At 12:30 my reading was 9.1. Sigh… One of my Diabetes mantra is “Test, Correct, Move-on…” So that is what I did. I ate my lunch which consisted of 21.25 grams of net carbohydrate and injected 2 units of insulin for the food plus a correction amount at a ratio of 2:1 so a total of 4 units of insulin which theoretically should bring my blood glucose numbers to around 5 within a 2-3 hours. At 3:30 pm I tested my blood glucose again; 8.8 is what my glucometer spat back at me as if in mockery. Ahhhhh Ms. Diabetes… I hate you. Dinner was a bit better. My blood glucose reading at 7pm before eating dinner was 9.1. Dinner consisted of 62 net grams of carbohydrate. So I injected 8 units for dinner plus 2 as a correction. This seemed to be correct, because when I tested at 10pm before bed my reading was 4.9. This number is a bit low for going to bed so I snacked on 20 walnut halves, took my 19 units of Humulin N and went to bed.

This morning my fasting sugars were 6.1. Good. I started the routine again with my Zone bar except I decided to take 4 units of insulin instead of 2. This should have been too much but it seems to have been the right amount – for today. You see, it has been my experience that Ms. Diabetes has a bazaar sense of humour; today she might want 4 units of insulin for 21 grams of carbohydrate and tomorrow she might only want 2.

I know that not all carbohydrates are equal, and that something like a zone bar could be digesting at a different rate than a bowl of slow cooked steel cut oats or two poached eggs with whole grain English muffin. But for this experiment the Zone bar is just the easiest thing for me.

I walk my dog three times daily; 2 km in the morning, 2 km after work and 2 km in the evening. I am sure there is some variable in there that is also affecting my blood glucose numbers such as did we walk slower or faster did we take the route with stairs did we walk against the wind.

I also know that something as simple as work stress, my menstrual cycle or how well I slept will have an impact on my numbers. But I am hoping to gain some insight into what make Ms. Diabetes tick by rigidly monitoring my food intake.

I see my Endo in 2 weeks. I am sure she will get a laugh at my experiment (I am sure she already thinks I am a total nut bar…). But I hope she will have some insight or maybe some word of encouragement and wisdom for me. Until then, I will continue my little food experiment.

Do you tell others?

2011-03-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

People have commented on how open I am about being Diabetic. I am always a bit baffled because I do not see why I wouldn’t be open about it; it is who I (now) am. Diabetes, for better or for worse, is here to stay. Sometimes people are really interested to hear all about the details of my diagnosis, my daily treatments (injections) and my basic day-to-day activities.

Some people react differently, not wanting to watch me inject, or they are uncomfortable or express sadness for my “loss”. I am not really sure what it is that I have lost exactly, because I have actually gained something – a life-long companion. I understand what they are trying to say though. I appreciate the sentiment and the fact that many people don’t know what else to say. I guess it is similar to hearing about the passing of a loved one and that generally people are trying to be sympathetic and supportive.

Here are some tips to non-Diabetics for what NOT to say when encountering a person with Diabetes (PWD). Do not say:

“Oh, that’s horrible. People die from Diabetes!” Chances are, the PWD already feels bad and or is adjusting to this new challenge in his/her life. Reminding them that it is a life altering and sometimes fatal disease is not actually helpful or welcomed.

“Oh! Too bad you’ll never have a child then…” Ok, I am not sure where this comes from but really, non-Diabetics just stop. Stop and think before you speak. (Actually, a good practice for anyone in all situations).

“Too bad. I guess you can’t eat anything good anymore.” I am not sure what these people consider to be “good food” but I eat very well. In fact if EVERYONE ate like a Diabetic the world would be a healthier and slimmer place.

“You can’t eat that!!” Diabetics are not perfect. We don’t always make 100% great food choices. We are after all human and susceptible to temptation. However the occasional cupcake is NOT going to kill us.

“What did you do to get that?” Like it’s a communicable disease like herpes… No, the PWD did not do anything to cause his/her Diabetes. We are genetically pre-disposed and therefore a ticking time bomb.

These are just a few samples of the kinds of things people have said to me in the past. I am sure other PWD’s have better (and by better, I mean more ridiculous and horrific) examples of statements made in ignorance. To the non-Diabetic’s defense, you don’t know what you don’t know. This is why I tell everyone and anyone that I am Diabetic. I wear the scarlet D with pride and enthusiasm. When it comes to my life and my relationship with Diabetes I am an open book. I inject in front of anyone or might even have a mild emotional melt down, often without warning because it is just part of my life.

Diabetes can be a prankster - When a Low feels High and a High feels Low

2011-03-14T15:31:00.002-04:00

After 7 years of multiple daily insulin injections, multiple daily blood glucose monitoring and sometimes daily administration of fast acting sugar source to treat a sugar low you’d think I would have a pretty good grasp of how my body feels when my blood glucose levels are high or low.

I know that my body thinks it is most comfortable in a blood glucose range of 18-21. I know that the numbers I am shooting for is in the range of 3.8 – 7.8. I know my last A1c was 7.8. I know that achieving and maintaining a perfect 6 is not very doable and I also know when my blood glucose reading will be high or low based on how I feel; well, usually. Normally there will be subtle symptoms. Like for a sugar high of around 11 I start licking my lips a lot, my tongue feels heavy and furry or I feel a slight headache. If I go higher than 11 or 12, I will usually feel thirsty, tired , irritable and maybe even nauseous. Lows are a bit more tricky but usually pretty obvious. Tricky because they happen suddenly and usually at the most inopportune moments (like when I am about to present to a group of CEO’s…), and obvious because I start to feel sweaty, shaky and light headed as well as an overwhelming need to “get away”.

Occasionally however, Ms. Diabetes likes to switch it up a bit. Like today, I felt what I assumed was a low. I started to feel dizzy and light headed but when I tested, my blood glucose monitor displayed a reading of 8.8 (technically high, although still not too bad in my opinion…). Not totally believing the number I tested again with a different glucometer. The results were exactly the same. On the weekend I had a similar experience but the opposite; I felt that I was high because I started to feel a headache and was thirsty and really irritable (poor dog and husband…). But when I tested my glucometer displayed a reading of 3.1 which is low.

Having no real explanation for this, I can only assume Ms. Diabletes is trying to keep me on my toes ensuring I don’t become too comfortable with my Diabetic condition or... she has a really bad sense of humour.

Diabetes, what have you ever done for me?

2011-03-07T11:00:00.001-05:00

First thing I do when I wake is check on you; then again at midday, at mid afternoon, evening and then one last time before I go to bed.

Two: This is the number of hours in a day I devote exclusively to you. The other 22 hours – they, sadly are also mostly yours.

Before I eat anything, I ask you “will you approve?” “Will you like this?” You never answer me until after the fact, and rarely do you approve.

I know you don’t like exercise but you also demand it.

I try to give you what you need but you constantly change your mind.

I cannot predict your needs. It is always a wild ass guess. You provide no constructive feedback, only after-the-fact criticism and punishment.

I guess I am a fool to think we can work together; and more so to think I can win.

Today, finally, I concede. You are the victor. My life will never again be my own. I belong to you.

Diabetes – Sorry, I don’t have time for you right now!

2011-02-23T13:08:00.001-05:00

I am trying to make a rational plea with my Diabetes, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to me…

We are all busy; seems like even busier that we were 15-20 years ago. While technology has improved our lives significantly, it has also hindered it by making us accessible and “on” all the time. Our employer provides us with laptop computers and smart phones expecting that we use them at all hours. Communication with friends now consists of texts, sms, facebook messages; many people have 1.5 hour daily commute to and from work and then there are kids or pets who need to be cared for within a certain timeframe.

Take all of that and add a chronic illness to the mix. For me it’s Diabetes. For the past year, Diabetes and I have had an understanding. I would take good care of her and in return she did not bother me too much. We have managed to live this symbiotic life until now. Now work is crazy! As a freelance contract consultant, I change jobs a lot. Normally I have full control over how much I work but this latest project I am working on is tough; demanding needy stakeholders, poorly managed project team and deliverables and not enough money to fund all that needs to get done. Not even 2 full months in and I am starting to get stressed. What can a girl do?? I made a commitment to this client to deliver the best possible solutions that I can. But I also made a commitment to my husband (unwritten as it may be…) to keep the house clean, and have a nice meal ready at 7pm for when he arrives home from his long day. I also made a commitment to my dog to walk him 3 times a day and ensure he is groomed and played with too. I have also made a commitment to trying to have a baby (which is a lot of work and planning if you are 37 years old and Diabetic!). Oh, yeah and there is Diabetes – I also made a commitment to her. But I am falling behind. I can’t do it all. Work pays the bills so that cannot slip. I love my husband and our marriage so I want to do all that I can for him and us. My dog… well, he really is like my first born. He is not able to care for himself so I have to be a good human to him. Having a baby… not a necessity I know… but I would really like to and at my age… tick tock… so I have to do what I need to there. That leaves Diabetes. Something has to give and unfortunately it is Diabetes who gets the short end of the stick. It will still be there in a month, or a year from now… sadly, she is not going anywhere. But this is no reason to neglect her. Like a spoiled or neglected child she gets very tough to manage when she is ignored.

Until I started with this new client in January, my A1c’s were 7.8. Not too bad. I had worked very hard over the past year to gradually bring this number as close to 6 as possible. The actual magic number I was looking for was 6.99 but 7.8 was pretty close so I had received a cautious go-ahead from my Endo to start trying to get pregnant. But over the past 6 weeks I see that number rising and rising. My daily blood glucose has been averaging around 12 (I am aiming for 6) and I know that after 6+ weeks of these high readings my A1c’s are not going to be very pleasant in April.

Damn you Diabetes! Can’t you manage anything on your own? Why are you so needy?? I simply do not have the time for you right now. But, then again, if I do not give more of my time to her I may not have time for much else. But how do I decide on what to cut?

It’s dangerous out there – In the world of prepared foods.

2011-01-20T14:33:00.000-05:00

What is it about the smell of baked goods that instantly make most people salivate? Why are we programmed to consume it even when we know it is not particularly good for us? As a Type 1 Diabetic I do my best to avoid most simple carbohydrate and even some “complex” ones. It is no easy task; it takes a lot of will power and compromise.

But today I almost succumb to this starchy temptress. In my efforts to be a good diabetic and a good austere person I have been bringing my lunch to work every day. I used to do it 1-2 times a week but am making a conscious effort to do it 4-5 times. My husband and I have been diligently planning our weekly meals on the weekend and planning for taking our lunches. But last night I did not prepare anything for today’s lunch and as usual in the morning I was running late so I decided I could just buy lunch today. So at 12:30pm off I went to the underground mall (for other Torontonians – the “PATH”) at First Canadian Place. There is a plethora of food choices and many of them are tasty and reasonably healthy. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the choices at the food court I found myself wandering a bit.

Then it happened. That smell. The unmistakable smell of breads, cakes, cookies and other baked goodies. I was being lead there as if not under my own control. I could hear myself saying “It’s ok, you’ve been so good lately. You need to eat. You deserve this (starchy) tasty food.” Low and behold where did I end up? In front of the Great Canadian Bagel, Decadent Desserts and Furama (Chinese Bakery) . OMG! I was so close. I was too close to buying and shoveling down my throat a Chinese coconut bun or a toasted bagel sandwich. My will power is normally not very strong. And the feeling of nausea and bloat after eating baked goods is never really that predominant in my mind to make me not do it again and again… But today was different. Today I was saved… by Longo’s – beautiful fresh and lovely Longo’s (For Americans reading this, think Wegmans!). Right across from the evil bakery empires was the Longo’s fresh salad bar! So in I popped and loaded up on spinach, cucumbers, chick peas, feta cheese, tuna, baby corn and walnuts. Mmmmmmm… Not to completely deprive myself, I did grab a Diet Dr. Pepper, a whole fat unflavoured yogurt and a small bag of SmartFood popcorn clusters (25g carb / 5 gr fibre), but over all a healthy and satisfying lunch without the nasty side effects.

Now, this lunch did cost me about 14$ but in the grand scheme of things pretty reasonable for my one lunch out this week, and knowing that everything (other than the Diet Dr. Pepper) was good for me (and my pancreas, my legs, my eyeballs, my toes, my……) well you get the point.

Diet Dr. Pepper – your days might be numbered…

2011-01-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

In September I blogged about my addiction to pop and more specifically my addiction to Diet Dr. Pepper. Never have I tasted anything so delicious. Nothing compares to the smooth cherry / almond flavoured cola.

In December I made another blog entry under my alter ego blog account Frugal Frau http://theyearofausterity.blogspot.com/ about how much money I could save if I cut my pop consumption by half. My calculations lead me to the savings of $1, 665 dollars a year, $4, 518 dollars in 25 years or if I save and invest $1, 665 every year for 25 years that equals $75, 853 dollars.

Hmmmmm…..

Ok, it does not take an economist to figure out that that is a lot of money. But for anyone who has an addiction there really is no price you can put on something that you “need”. Or is there?

I like to blame Diabetes for my pop addiction. After all, if I was not Diabetic I would have a wider choice of beverages that I could consume. I know I am just justifying it to myself. The truth is I don’t like flat beverages. I even prefer wine in the sparkling variety. Drinking bubbles is just better!

My husband has been trying for a while now to get me off the pop. He has tried nagging. He has tried bargaining. He has tried guilt. He has tried persuasion. While I have been able to cut back at times (i.e. month long trip to China I only drank 3 diet cokes a day) I have never really kicked my habit and I guess it is because I just don’t want to. So he finally decided, if he can’t make me stop, he will embrace it…

No, he did not procure a pop bottling company for me or even bring home pallets of fizzy beverage. Because we have decided that 2011 is the “year of austerity” and because he knows I love fizzy beverages almost as much as I love him and Mr. Frodo, he bought me a SodaStream home soda beverage maker.

This apparatus is amazing! Fizz on demand in any beverage you want! I have been adding bubbles to anything and everything that is drinkable. The company make all sorts of beverage syrups . Some are clear flavourings with no sugar or sweetener. Some are regular soda flavours that are blended half sugar and half Splenda® and some are diet mixes sweetened with Splenda®. The best part, the flavour syrups contain no aspartame or High Fructose Corn Syrup. And the really best part… there is a flavour called Pete’s mix and Diet Pete’s that is similar to Dr. Pepper! AHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!

Will this apparatus help reduce the quantity of fizzy beverages that I consume? Nope! Will it help keep money in my wallet and help me avoid dangerous BPA’s that are in the soda bottles and linings of cans? YES! And if that was not already enough, it is really fun to use!

The year of austerity and living with Diabetes just became a little more manageable.

Only Wet Babies Like Change

2011-01-10T12:09:00.002-05:00

According to Mary-Francis Winters, PhD. “Only wet babies like change”. I have used this quote along with a picture of a cute baby in a diaper in many presentations over the years when talking about the effects and impacts of change to and individual within an organization. It is a good ice breaker and really helps people think about the idea of change.

Change is good. Changes in life are inevitable. One who accepts them and changes with them is the one who succeeds in life. But Change is also hard.

I specialize in Change Management. I work with both corporate and individual customers, helping them identify and address the changes in their lives. But sometime even I have a hard time dealing with change.

It has been my experience that it is not the big life altering changes that cause people and organizations the most grief. It is often and small stuff. It is the small changes that can build up and feel like the toughest thing on earth.

Every day we read stories of heroic people dealing -with and adjusting-to events that have changed their lives. I think this is an innate and primitive survival skill that allows us to learn, grow and evolve. But every day we also hear about the sad stories of people who cannot move past a small event, something that seems so insignificant to the onlooker, one that causes many to say “just get over it already”.

I have seen just about every emotion that has to deal with change. No one can force another being to change, we can only help them through the process. I can honestly say that I have helped many people through the process; helping them get to the point where they are ready to accept and adapt to the new situation.

When Change happens to the Change Expert…

Being diagnosed with Diabetes was a pretty huge change for me. Every year that passes I am beginning to see just how big a change it is for my life and my lifestyle. Perhaps I am a slow adopter to change. I like to think this is not true. I like to think I am someone who embraces, encourages and even seeks change. But like all people, for me some changes are more difficult than others.

In our effort to start a family, my husband and I have been making lots of small adjustments and a few bigger ones. Many of the adjustments are mine to make. I need to ensure my diet and stress and exercise levels are just right so that my Diabetic body can be baby ready. Fortunately B is very supportive and also embracing these changes. The day to day on some of these changes are difficult but these are not very hard changes in the grand scheme of things. These changes are things that will promote better and healthier living in general – sounds like a no brainer.

When I was first diagnosed almost 7 years ago with Type 1 Diabetes I was given both Humalin N (my basal insulin or night time as I like to call it) and Humalog (my bolus or daytime insulin). Humalog works fairly well for me acting about 15-30 minutes upon injection. The Humalin N was not great. Being that it is an intermediate acting insulin I found I had a hard time managing the highs and lows that it would cause. About 3 years after my T1 Diagnosis, my family physician changed my basal insulin to Levemir, a long lasting insulin. I was very happy to have this change. Yes! Change is good! My blood glucose numbers were much easier to control.

But recently my Endocrinologist changed my basal insulin again. After discussions about future planning – i.e. having a baby – she informed me that Levemir “may” cause complications with pregnancy and birth. We both decided that I should switch back to Humilin N. A no brainer really. But this has been a change that I am not adjusting to well. All the work I have and am doing to keep tight control of my blood glucose numbers seems to have gone straight out the window. I can see my perfect A1Cs slipping away.

Logically, I know I need to get a grip. “Suck it” up and all that…. But for the first time in a very long time I am having those self defeating and self pitying feelings of “why me?” I am sure all Diabetics and pretty much anyone who deals with any kind of illness or condition that impacts them on a daily and hourly basis can relate to the desire to just quit. Lately I find myself saying “I am tired of this. I don’t want to do it anymore”. But thankfully my mind is still able to be rational and can persuade me to keep going.

There are instances in life when everything gets blocked and you find yourself helpless. In such a situation one who accepts it and tries to fight out new ways to overcome the situation emerges in flying colours. To quote the Dalai Lama XIV "Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it."

Here is to embracing Change and the good things that come from it.

2011 - A good year to be Diabetic and for other things...

2011-01-03T18:00:00.000-05:00

Incorrigible, obstinate, tenacious; these are a few of the adjectives that have been used to describe me in childhood. Often these labels or descriptions would come as a result of an adult not being able to answer to my liking a question that I had asked. Often adults will answer questions with phrases like “That is just the way it is” or “Because I said so”. To most children this is a clear indication that the adult has absolutely no idea or possibly is withholding the actual true answer. Not being the type to give up, I would often respond with “but WHY.... (insert previously asked question)….

As an adult I have found that not much has changed. Although I am no longer labeled with cute phrases but instead it is more obvious the level of discomfort I am inflicting on the person who is clearly unable to provide a reasonable and adequate answer to my query, because I am sometimes told (or more accurately, later hear) that I am unreasonable or pushy or headstrong.

I don’t mean to be any of these things; not as a child and not now as an adult. However, if someone is asked a straight forward question and cannot provide a thoughtful and intelligent answer then yes, I am going to continue to probe and “question” until I get a satisfactory response.

I do not act this way all the time or in every situation. I find the venues for this personality quirk to be revealed are often at work – where it is actually my job to question and challenge my customers into thinking outside of the box. But also I tend to get this way when dealing with lawyers, bankers and most often people in the medical community.

As the youngest child of seven kids I learned very quickly that I must deal with disappointment but that I can also avoid disappointment by being persistent, inquisitive and willing to go about doing things on my own.

This upbringing has served me well in dealing with Diabetes. As I approach my 7th year as a T1, DMI, PWD, I find that I am much more confident about my “condition” than I had been in the past. I know there is still so much to learn, not only for myself but for the disease in general, but because of my tenacity and my unwillingness to take “no” or “that is just the way it is” as an answer, I know that I am going to see my 7th anniversary with a more hopeful and positive outlook.

This past year I was fortunate to meet (via on-line mediums ) some amazing people who also have Diabetes through the DOC – Diabetes Online Community. Because of this group I began to think about Diabetes in a slightly different way and I began to learn about how Diabetes impacts others on a daily basis. This has made me wiser and so much more annoying to my medical practitioners.

This year is going to be one of my biggest challenges EVER as I try to encourage the implantation of a small human inside me. I have already been working hard to get my body “baby ready” and now that I am, I hope I will get to host a small person for the 9 months that it takes him/her to grow.

My bff told me that he has never known me to not get something that I want – I hope that this holds to be true with the small person project. I know I will continue to ask a lot of questions and research all that I can. I know there will be hard times and maybe even some disappointment but one thing I know for certain; if there is will, I can find a way.

Here’s to a great 2011 of healthy living and never ever taking no as a final answer.

Sick of Diabetes

2010-12-07T09:05:00.001-05:00

I am so sick of Diabetes. I don’t want to test my blood sugars anymore and I don’t want to inject myself with insulin. I don’t want count every carbohydrate I eat and I really don’t like having to make adjustments for those “hidden” carbohydrates I did not account for. But I am especially sick of lows. Lows are the absolute worst thing EVER.

Every morning I eat the same thing for breakfast; painstakingly measuring and counting so that the quantity of food / carbohydrates / sugars and fat are consistent. Yet every day 2 hours after breakfast my blood glucose readings are different. Some days I get a reading of 5.9 which is awesome. Some days I get a reading of 1.9 and some days my reading is 11.1 – both of which are NOT awesome. My morning fasting blood glucose levels are virtually the same every morning so that is not what is causing the pendulum effect. I walk the dog before breakfast every morning for the same distance and duration so I doubt that is the cause of the pendulum effect.

Lately I have been extra vigilant about my blood glucose because my husband and I are trying to have a baby. I know I need perfect blood glucose if I am pregnant and it is beneficial if my blood glucose can be as close to perfect before conception. But this seems to be a near impossible endeavour.

I would ask my Enodo or my OBGYN or my Family doctor for some guidance but I can’t get an appointment with any of them – Family GP has a 7-9 week wait, OBGYN I am booked for February 2011 and Endo can see me in July 2011.

I hate to whine about being Diabetic. It really doesn’t do anyone any good, but I am sick of it. Frustrated, angry and sad pretty much describes me for the past 4 weeks. I am sure everyone around me is sick of me.

Canadian D-gal wrote an awesome blog post about home cooking math and SWAG. Both of these I am very familiar with. Her post is great by the way and you should read it if you have not already! Normally I too would have the same chipper optimistic tone that she has in her post. But today I just can’t do it. I too measure and weigh and count. I used to LOVE to cook and more specifically love to eat but now I see both as a chore. I am starting to hate it. I am starting to think the starvation diet is going to be my new diabetes control measure.

The Cranky Panky

2010-11-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

There once was a girl who was always tired. She was also always sick and also very thirsty. She was sick and tired and thirsty all the time. She did not know what made her feel so sick and tired and thirsty, all she knew was that she always felt this way.

Feeling so sick and tired and thirsty all the time made this girl very cranky, which in turn made all those around her cranky. In fact her mother was sick and tired of the girl always being cranky.

The girl did not know what to do. She would tell her mother “I don’t want to eat mommy, I always feel sick and tired after I eat, and when I am sick and tired I also feel so thirsty and cranky”. Her mom however told her to stop acting like such a spoiled cranky pants and eat her meal like a good little girl. So the girl did. She ate it all down and about an hour later she was tired, and felt sick and thirsty all of which made her very cranky.

This was the life this girl had to live. She decided if this was all there was then that was that. She learned to eat foods that made her feel less sick and tired and she learned to control her cranky nature by trying to look at the positive side of things. She would say to herself “I should be grateful I have this food to eat even though it makes me feel sick and tired, because there are some children who don’t have food”.

One day however the girl got really sick really thirsty and really tired. She was so sick and thirsty and tired that her mommy had to take her to the hospital. Her mommy told the doctor that the girl was always sick and thirsty and tired which of course made her very cranky. The doctor asked if there was a pattern to when she got sick and tired. The mommy answered that yes she would feel horrible about an hour after eating.

“I see.” responded the doctor. “Let’s do some blood test and see if we can’t figure out what makes the girl so sick and thirsty, tired and cranky.”

So they took some of the girl’s blood. They put the blood through all sorts of tests. One for sickness. One for thirst. One for tiredness and finally one for crankiness.

“Good news.” said the doctor to the mommy and the girl. “The blood tests show that it is not the girl who is sick and thirsty and tired and cranky. She has a sick and tired and thirsty pancreas which is also very cranky. But we can help the girl and her pancreas. We can give her insulin and as long as she gives the right amount of insulin to the pancreas she will no longer be sick and tired and thirsty and cranky.”

The mommy was relieved. The girl too was relieved, but she was sad to know that she would always have this sick and tired and thirsty pancreas and that there was nothing more she could do for it except make sure it had the right amount of insulin. But she also knew that it was her duty to take very good care of her sick and tired and thirsty pancreas so that it in turn she would no longer be cranky.

So that is what the girl did for the rest of her life – she took the best care of her sick pancreas and found that with patience, persistence and perseverance she and her pancreas could live a full life without feeling sick and tired and thirsty and cranky.

World Diabetes Day - 2010

2010-11-14T12:35:00.000-05:00

“Insulin is not a cure for diabetes; it is a treatment. It enables the diabetic to burn sufficient carbohydrates, so that proteins and fats may be added to the diet in sufficient quantities to provide energy for the economic burdens of life.” – Sir Frederick Banting

I have to admit it – this is my first “World Diabetes Day”. In the 6.5 years that I have been insulin dependent, this it the first time I have known about this day. That is a shame, because that means that not only are there Diabetics out there who are not fully informed about the Diabetes community, but there are most likely many non-diabetics who also have little information or knowledge.

World Diabetes Day commenced in 2007 as an official United Nations World Health day. November 14 is the birthday of the insulin co-founder and Canadian Sir Frederick Banting.

Earlier this year I began to take an active interest in my Diabetic condition. I try to blog regularly as both a cathartic means of release and as a way to help educate anyone who might want to learn more about the day to day life of a typical Type 1 diabetic. I am also doing a better job of managing my condition through better and more frequent testing and more precise insulin intake. I also eat a healthier diet and get plenty of “light to moderate” exercise.

But what else can be done? Every year in Canada 60,000 people are diagnosed with Diabetes - today is a great day to build awareness and spread the word about Diabetes. But to me, every day is World Diabetes Day. Every day I will be the best diabetic that I can be for both my self and my family. But I will also be an advocate and educator – in hopes that one day we see the numbers of diagnosis and deaths decrease and many even find a cure.

So here’s to you World Diabetes Day! And Happy Birthday Sir Frederick Banting - we’ve come a long way since 1921 and with all the world’s support we will continue to go further.

Diabetes - so much to learn

2010-11-09T12:29:00.003-05:00

I recently attended a 4 day learning session tailored toward the education of certified Diabetes Educators. This course qualifies you for credit, if you are a medical professional (Nurse, Nutritionist, Pharmacists etc.) to apply to receive the designation of Certified Diabetes Educator. I am an Adult Education, Change Management and Life Coach professional as well as Type 1 Diabetic but I do not qualify for this designation because I am not a medical professional. But that is ok. I took the course because I wanted to learn more about Diabetes education and Diabetes management. I hoped to come away from this course with new information and how the medical community is helping Diabetics manage their condition / illness. I also hoped to be able to meet and network with other professionals who are passionate about Diabetes education.

It was a learning experience that is for sure. But I am afraid I did not learn what I had hoped. I was the only Diabetic in the classroom. I guess I was not really shocked about that, but what was surprising was how little the other participants (all of whom were mostly nurses or nutritionists) already knew about Diabetes and the effect diabetes has on a Diabetic’s life.

I guess I should not be so shocked at how un-informed these people seemed to be. I mean, I did not know very much about Diabetes until I had a reason to... but then again, these were all people who were already working in a profession where they must have interacted and treated Diabetics.

Here are some examples of the questions people were asking the instructors:

Topic – Type 2 Diabetes and Aboriginal Indigenous People - Actual question asked by a participant: “I don’t understand why ‘these people’ have such a hard time with Diabetes – can’t they just learn to eat properly and not drink?” Topic – Diabetes and Pregnancy - Actual question asked by a participant: “Diabetics can’t have babies! Can they?” Topic – Tools and Technology for Monitoring - Actual question asked by a participant: “I have heard patients complain that some of these apparatus’ can be annoying and painful, but really how bad can it be if it is saving their life?”

Ugh.... Now in fairness I realize that you don’t know what you don’t know; that sometimes cultural sensitivity is not prevalent in everyone, and by attending training on a topic you hopefully will leave smarter that you were. But OMG! Where did some of these people come from? And if they really know so little about the disease what has drawn them to want to be a voice for it?

The quality of the course materials and the information was actually excellent albeit a bit high level in my opinion. Can a person really be considered an expert in Diabetes education after 4 days of learning? No, I don’t really think so. I have been insulin dependent for over 6 years and I learn something new about myself and the disease every day. Hopefully the professionals who attended this course will genuinely want to continue learning and realize that they can also learn from the patients they are coaching.

One thing that I learned or was re-affirmed is that there is a need for people like me – a Diabetic - to continue to educate and help dispel the myths and mis-information that exists whether it be for people who are newly diagnosed with Diabetes, people who are trying to be “helpful” with their un-informed advice or even my own team of medical professionals. While sometimes a little information can be dangerous I generally believe that knowledge is power and as a Diabetic I am one of the best people to promote learning, guidance and understanding.

November is Diabetes Awareness month – November 14 is World Diabetes Day. go to http://www.tudiabetes.org/ and watch the video to help a child in need.

Did Diabetes make me dumb?

2010-09-22T18:10:00.000-04:00

In the recent years I would often find myself sitting in a meeting or even in class unable to concentrate on what was being discussed or presented. I had no ability to retain information and often found myself yawning, even in discussions that I found super interesting.

I used to pride myself on my smarts. I did not care if people thought I wasn't nice or if they didn't think I was pretty but everyone thought I was smart - at least as a child.
Then something happened. I became less able to respond quickly to questions. I often had to have people repeat what they said so that I was sure I understood them and often I would leave a classroom or meeting having to ask a friend or colleague to "debrief" me because I really did not remember.

It was frustrating and discouraging. I was the little girl who would be ahead of all her classmates and given the extra challenging activities while the rest of the class caught up. I was the little girl who read at a university level by grade 3. I was the little girl who played Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata during a Royal Conservatory recital competition at age 4 - coming in second place next to a 12 year old boy.

It was like all of a sudden my mind was in a fog or a spider web. Information took longer to register because it had to sort its way through white noise.

When I started taking insulin and got my blood glucose to a reasonably normal status I began to notice a big change. I also noticed other changes in my personality and mood. I was no longer a total bitch! I was not snapping on people regularly and I was able to deal with disappointment without looking for someone to lynch. I was, well, more Zen.

So I did a little research and found that both depression and an acute inability to concentrate both commonly occur in people with Diabetes. I went through a year of taking anti-depressants but unfortunately there is no pill to make you smarter, more interesting or more engaged.

I know there are a lot of diseases or conditions that cause a lot of problems for those who suffer or endure them; and Diabetes is no exception. I often wonder how we (Diabetics) function as well as we do when not only is our body trying to kill itself but our mind is playing games on us too.

I am thankful for my good friends and family members who tolerated me during my cranky years! And all I have to say to my nemesis "Diabetes" - bring it on; I will figure you out and you will not get the better of me!

It's not my fault

2010-09-13T10:28:00.006-04:00

I am a huge advocate of education. Doesn’t much matter what the subject is, learning is a good thing. Because of this outlook, I am more than happy to talk to anyone who will listen about Diabetes. It sometimes feels a bit self indulgent because most of the antic dotes I use are based on personal experience. I don’t mind ignorance when it comes to the subject, after all, how can anyone really know what Diabetes is if they do not have it? What I CANNOT stand is the pitying looks, snide comments or the self righteous “nosey nellies” who feel they have all the answers to “my condition”.

One of my biggest complaints is the way people look at me or their comments when I experience a sugar low. I sometimes want to scream – “Diabetes is not my fault! I did not ask for this, and I did not cause this!” I do not purposefully take too much insulin so that I have hypoglycaemic episodes! I do not take too much insulin so that I can get out of that horrible budget meeting 2 hours after lunch, I do not purposefully time the walk with my dog so that I have a sugar low out in the middle of nowhere and I do not go to bed hoping to wake up in a pool of panicky sweat just so I can frantically try to find a sugar source that will calm my adrenaline rush.

My doctor asks how my “control” has been. How many lows I have etc. I don’t even tell her the truth. Why bother?? What can she do about it besides caution (aka lecture me) about better control of insulin intake... Like I don’t know or don’t try to take the correct amount.

I wish I was a brilliant mathematician, for then I could write myself a wonderful formula that would figure out all the variables that can and do have an impact on Blood Glucose levels. But I am not a mathematician, and frankly I am not sure one exists who could work out all the possible numbers for all the possible scenarios. So I will have to continue with the guess work.

I am not shy about having Diabetes. I don’t care who knows or how uncomfortable it makes the people around me. It is what it is. If you don’t like it – don’t hang out with me. But I do try my best to hide the lows. They are the most noticeable of all the Diabetes side effects that I experience. I know people do worry and I know that no non-Diabetic really understands.

I am lucky and thankful that I do not have any of the violent outbursts as I have read that many Diabetics have when their body goes into a hypoglycaemic state. Fight or Flight... this is the response of a sugar low. My natural inclination is to get food as soon as possible. But sometimes what my brain wants and what my body can achieve are different things; my brain racing – wondering what food source I immediately have with me. While sometimes my body is paralyzed, unable to actually move even if it is to reach over and grab the bottle of glucose tablets next to my bed.

Then comes the crash; the horrible post adrenaline coma. Hypoglycaemia kicks the shit out of me. Again, not something a non-Diabetic person can understand. It takes approximately 10-15 minutes for my blood glucose levels to come up to a place that is within a normal range. But it feels like hours. I will continue to shake and my heart continues to race for more than 30 minutes after I have reached “normal”. And then once those symptoms settle down, I crash. I want to sleep – for hours. Sometimes this is what I do. I curl up in bed and pass out just to wake up hours later to feel like I have been hit by a train.

So, don’t you non-Diabetics ever think that we Diabetics purposefully try to take too much insulin – that we purposefully try to go into a hypoglycaemic state. We are all trying our best to maintain “normal” with a body that just does not understand what normal is supposed to be.

Love or Addiciton - My Relationship with Diet Dr. Pepper

2010-09-08T14:12:00.003-04:00

I often hear people comment about how they have a pop addiction. How they drink sooo much Coke or Pepsi every day. I will ask them "how many do you drink a day?" The common reply "oh, at least one a day!"

One a day... Hah. Light weights!

I have been known to ingest on average, the equivalent of 3 litres of pop day. It all started in university. Growing up we never had pop in the house. On really special occasions when my mom would make her famous citrus punch, she would buy Fresca, but these occasions were rare. So once I started university I discovered Coca Cola. I was known for always having a can in my hand - even at the gym I could be seen quenching my thirst with the sweet cola goodness.

Years, a desk job and 10lbs later I switched to Diet Coke. My employer supplied pop, juice and water for everyone to enjoy; and I did. My desk was lined with empty cans stacked upon one another forming an homage to the Great Wall of China.

In 2004 I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. To my surprise and delight, the diabetes nurse told me I could "drink as much diet pop as I wanted". Clearly she had no idea what she was condoning.

It's tough for a diabetic. We have so many restrictions. Other than water which is the best choice for anyone to drink, diet pop is really the only other liquid substance that can be ingested guilt and glucose free.

But what about the other reported health concerns? From the debate about aspartame and other artificial sweeteners, to the scare about the plastic lining the beverage bottlers spray inside the can, it makes this diabetic wonder about the long term health impacts of drinking pop - especially in the quantities that I do.

I live my life with the belief that everything can be ok if it’s in moderation. Everything in moderation, except pop; and more specifically for the past 3 years Diet Dr. Pepper.

Diet Dr. Pepper... Mmmmm... I remember the first time I tasted regular Dr. Pepper. We were on a family camping trip in Montana. We stopped at “Pennys” for some shopping and my sister bought a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper. I was 4 years old and I was in love. I had never tasted anything so delicious.

While working in 2003 /2004 in New Jersey, I re-discovered this tasty beverage (in its diet form). But the real love affair started in 2007 when Diet Dr. Pepper became readily available in Canada. Now I could enjoy my love any day all day. I would buy it by the case and I got to the point that when I was down to 6 cans left in the house I would get panicky and have to go buy another case or 2, or 3...

My husband is concerned about my “problem”. He knows I know it is not good for me. He has asked me to drink less. He has offered suggestions of other beverages that I might drink instead. But nothing, NOTHING is as good or as satisfying as Diet Dr. Pepper. I have one first thing in the morning as soon as I wake up and it comes to bed with me at night. The joke at my wedding was that I had a magic purse that grows Diet Dr. Pepper because I never seem to be without one.

Ok – I admit it. I have a problem. It’s not a caffeine problem and it is not a pop problem. It is a Diet Dr. Pepper problem. So this blog entry is my official declaration that I will try to kick my habit. I no longer buy it by the case for the house which has already in 2 weeks cut down on my consumption and has left a considerable amount of cash in my wallet! But I am not there yet. I would like to think that I can be a responsible “social” drinker of Diet Dr. Pepper, but I am not sure if that will be possible.

As all diabetics know, there are so many things we need to “give up”. None of these things are that big a deal. No one “needs” baked goods or alcohol, or pizza or even pop but we sure do like them. If only water did not taste like water I would not mind drinking it but alas, it is just one more item on my list of “eat for purpose, not for taste”. I will check back in a few weeks and let you know how the Diet Dr. Pepper purge it is going. And by all means please let me know I am not alone...

What is in a lie?

2010-09-07T16:59:00.001-04:00

What is in a lie? And is withholding information the same as lying? If the true information behind the lie is never revealed is it wrong? If the person whom you lied to never finds out the truth is there any harm in telling the lie? If the person does find out – even if it is years later - whether it be an omission of truth or a flat out lie, does it matter?

These are question that I am pondering today. A few months ago I found out something that shook up my world. The revelation had a real impact on both my mental and physical well being. Not only did the information make me re-think everything I thought I knew, it made me physically ill. Mentally, I was sad and angry and depressed. Physically I wanted to vomit for days, my blood glucose sky rocketed and for weeks I was unable to normalize.

Generally I try to avoid stress. I find this is the best approach for my mental and physical wellbeing. While I am not afraid to stand up for myself or my loved ones, I generally do my best to avoid conflict and prefer to follow my own path which usually runs in parallel with others but rarely intersects. Generally for me avoidance is bliss.

Innately suspicious of people I do question everyone’s motives and everyone’s purpose for doing things. That is of course until a person is inside my inner circle in which I then trust whole heartedly – but I am finding this to be a flaw in my judgment.

Who really is worthy of trust? Doctors lie and provide half truths (partially to avoid patient panic and partially because I think they just don’t know the answers). Employers only do what is best for them and their bottom line. The government – well we can’t trust anything the government tells us. But what about our friends or family? I think many of us expect that the government, medical practitioners and our employers do what is best for them first but don’t we all want and expect our friends and family to be honest, moral and upstanding?

Many of us have told little white lies because we thought it would be less hurtful for the person than telling the truth. Or sometimes we embellish a story to make it sound more interesting. Is this wrong? And if we are caught what happens?

I have a couple of friends who call me “Mr. Spock” - something about me being too pragmatic, too blunt, too honest. What can I say – If something is a spade – should I not call it a spade?? Ok, maybe I am too honest. I have learned over the years to just keep quiet - as my mom would say “if you haven’t anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all…”.

Maybe because of this I too am guilty of indirectly lying or withholding the truth – so I guess I should not judge. But when you learn that someone whom you love more than life itself has not only withheld information but has also flat out lied, it really makes you take a step back and “assess”.

A Diabetic Fur Baby

2010-08-30T11:08:00.000-04:00

My fur baby Mr. Frodo is a really good boy and a great dog. He is a typical Golden-Doodle in that he is loving and goofy and fun and SMART! He really loves other animals (dogs, cats, horses and even the mouse that lives in our house :( ).

To combat the mouse issue I have tried all sorts of methods – humane traps, not-so-humane traps etc. But this mouse is very clever and he has a sense of humour. If it was not the for the fact that he is a potential spreader of disease, I would not mind that he takes up shelter and warmth in our house. But he is a disease spreader plus it really pisses me off when he purposefully poops on my laptop!

Mr. Frodo and the mouse have come face to face on many occasions and it has become painfully obvious that he is more interested in having other animal companionship than hunting. I am pretty sure he actually warns the mouse of his human’s whereabouts and advises as to the safest route for sneaking past us.

So, this has lead me to investigate the options for cat adoption. I used to have a cat – I adopted him when he was 3 years old and I had him until he died at age 15. I loved that cat! But after years of not having one, I start to wonder how I will ever manage with the hair? Mr. Frodo is a “non-shedding” breed of dog, meaning he sheds very minimal. My husband is the biggest hurdle when it comes to the cat – currently he is still choosing to ignore me when I bring the subject up - but it’s not his computer that the mouse poops on!

So, I started searching online and found this great cat to adopt from a local Humane Society. His name is Chester. He is 9 years and 7 months old and is Diabetic. DIABETIC! It is like he is meant to be with us! I am Diabetic and need to inject and Chester is Diabetic and needs a caring human to inject for him.

I go to the website and gaze at Chester – I have already fallen in love with him and I know he will love us too. I know Mr. Frodo will be so happy to have a cat brother and I know the mouse will not. Now, just to work on the husband...

Where did real food go? And how can we get it back?

2010-08-27T11:58:00.000-04:00

What would you do if your body turned against you? If it used every form of nutritional sustenance you gave it to slowly try to kill you. What would you do if all food meant pain and suffering? Well, welcome to Diabetes!

As a Type 1 Diabetic I know all too well how food affects me; the headaches, the nausea, the blurry vision, the swollen achy legs that feel like they weigh 100lbs each, the craving to eat that yummy homemade German apple strudel, or those yummy slow cooked ribs that happen to be smothered in BBQ sauce.

Yep – Living with Diabetes is hard. I actually manage quite well. I have heard of other having a much harder time of it. I feel pretty lucky that because of insulin I can indulge occasionally, that having a slice of apple strudel will not actually kill me.

Now imagine not being able to eat any sugar at all, not because you are diabetic but because there is something else wrong with you that the medical community cannot figure out or is so rare that no one really knows what to do for you.

We are not only talking about simple sugar like cakes and cookies. But also the complex sugars found in fruit and grains. Imagine not being able to eat certain foods at all because you don’t actually know what is in it. Imagine not being able to eat any foods that are brought in to a work function because the person organizing it does not understand that you cannot eat any gluten or sugar or chemicals. All you know is when you eat it you are sick.

I am lucky because I have Diabetes! I know that sounds weird. I would obvious rather not be diabetic but in the grand scheme of things it is not so bad. For me, diabetes is manageable.

My brother-in-law has an acute allergy to sugar – all sugars. It causes him to break out into a rash. Not so bad you’d think but this rash spreads across his body. He feels like he is on fire. The cure? Doctors suggested a topical treatment of creams or soothing bad soaks. But no, this did not work. Doctors had no idea and as usual – because they could not diagnose it – it must be a mental problem, something wrong with my brother-in-law's head – stress perhaps. STRESS! Well yeah he was stressed. Wouldn't you be if all of a sudden one day you woke up feeling like your whole body was on fire???

After much trial and error, many allergy tests and many costly visits to “alternative” medical practitioners he has finally figured out that in order to subdue the symptoms he cannot eat any kind of sugar (simple or complex), he cannot eat any foods that are processed in anyway, he cannot drink any alcohol, juice, dairy – only water and organic herbal tea. In fact all foods now have to be organic.

My oldest brother was recently diagnosed with Celiac disease and despite what people think, it is not as simple as not eating bread. And despite what people think “just a little bit” will in fact hurt him.

As a diabetic I have learned what foods have what affect on my blood glucose levels and in turn on my body and overall health. I know what kinds of sugars impact me most or quickest (because not all simple sugars are the same). I am now trying to eat mostly organic foods or foods that are purchased from a local farmers or that I have grown in my own yard (Still hoping for that bylaw amendment to allow chickens in the city!)

Did people have these food related issues 30 years ago?? I don’t remember my grandmother or parents ever commenting about such things. The 1950’s – 1980’s was a boom time for mass production and over processing – and it seems that a couple of generations later, it has caught up with us.

But the truly frustration thing is not only does our governments facilitate this type of “poisoning” to take place by allowing these foods to be produced, but we as consumers allow and even embrace it buy continuing to purchase crap and then ingest it.

I cannot imagine the will power it took for my brother-in-law and my sister and their kids to change the way they eat. Would he have died if he continued to eat “Sugar”? Not sure we can say. Would he have wish he was dead – most definitely.

So my question is this - Where did real food go? And how can we get it back?

I can! and I Will!

2010-08-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

Today at work one of my team members brought in home-made cupcakes for everyone. I usually do not partake in the eating of work treats but cupcakes!! Mmmmmmm... so this one time I did. Some of my colleagues know that I am Diabetic and some don’t. Those who do know, know the drill and have been “educated” by me as to what I should or should not eat. So when I took a cupcake and one of my colleagues jokingly said “let me know if you need help with that cupcake – I’d hate to have to call you an ambulance” another colleague who is not in the know of my condition said “What?? Why would we need to call an ambulance?” My other colleague responded with “Oh I was just teasing her because she’s diabetic – I was just hoping to get an extra cupcake!” the woman said “OMG! You CAN’T eat that if you are diabetic!!!”

As I shoved the cupcake in my mouth, I smiled a bit. I chewed and swallowed the tasty treat and then calmly said to her “Actually, I can eat anything I wish – within reason...” Then she continued to lecture me about what a bad diabetic I am and how I need to be more careful; how she watched as her grandmother suffered from Diabetes. I sympathised with her and asked her some questions about her grandmother’s condition and explain how her grandmother’s situation is very different than mine. I also explained to her that we all make choices in our lives and as a Type 1 Diabetic I choose to live my life as fully as I can – which occasionally includes indulging in a Cupcake.

I am glad that I can take people’s mis-informed and mis-guided opinions with a grain of salt and that I am able to calmly and rationally explain to them how things really are. But I do admit I HATE when I am told I cannot do something – especially when that comment comes from ignorance.

My husband will often say to me “Should you have that?” when I am about to eat something that is not a “good” choice. But he would never tell me I cannot eat something. I guess because he knows and understands that no one tells me what to do and because he also understands that good diabetes management means sometime having a treat.

I did pay for that cupcake by needing 12 units of insulin to compensate for it. But the cupcake was also eaten right before lunch time, so I knew it was now or never. If the cupcakes had been served mid afternoon – I probably would not have eaten it. But I am really happy they came out before lunch! Mmmmm.... Cupcakes... good....

Lonely, but not Alone...

2010-08-12T20:35:00.000-04:00

A question was asked of me the other day – “who is my diabetes support network or support person?”

I had to think about that. I guess it depends how one defines support.
The online dictionary defines Support as: Verb - to bear or hold up (a load, mass, structure, part, etc.); serve as a foundation for; Noun - the act or an instance of supporting; the state of being supported.

Well then, who (or what) indeed is my support system/network/person? My husband is probably my main support person. He is there to remind me about better food choices and lets me natter at him about the recent article I read about Diabetes or how I am disappointed in my last visit with my family physician and he is always willing to get up in the middle of the night to cut up an apple or get my fast acting sugar when I have woken up with severely low blood glucose.

My close friends are great because they are concerned for me and always offer help if they give it.
My medical team are definitely NOT one of my support systems. Useless is the word that comes to mind when I think about the doctors I have seen over my lifetime.

The Diabetes Online Community (D-OC) is a great group. But they are all just names on twitter offering help and support in 140 characters or less.

I know I am not alone. I know Diabetes affects hundreds of thousands of people world-wide and is growing (according to all the media reports). I know my friends and husband mean well and genuinely want to help and be there for me but lack of knowledge and true understanding makes it difficult for them to really understand or provide what I need in the way of support.

To be honest – I don’t even know what I need in the way of support. I have always done things on my own – gone through things on my own – so I never really stopped to think that being diabetic would be any different or would require “support”. I guess the best I can do right now is help educate those who want to learn, allow myself to receive the support that comes my way and remember that while I usually feel lonely in my Diabetic world I am not alone.

Depression, Diabetes and a D-Buddy

2010-07-28T22:06:00.000-04:00

Depression is a condition that I can fully relate to. For years I have battled mild depression. As a teenager and young adult I could and would use exercise as my outlet for managing my “mood”. I ignored all suggestion by my family doctor to go on anti-depressants; partially because I did not feel it was necessary and I was worried about how easily they suggested it. I would talk to my doctor about how I felt terrible; achy all over, thirsty all the time, tired... sooooo tired. Unable to focus and easily distracted by sad or mad thoughts.

I would spend a lot of time alone which in hind-sight probably did not help my mood but it kept me “safe” as people tended to annoy me. I would work out a lot. Always at the gym, riding my bike from Calgary to Cochrane and back before school or work or running, training for some race that was coming up. Yep, exercise was my friend.

Once done University and into regular work life, the amount I exercised became less, the amount I sat at a desk increased and my mood... well, let’s just say I came by the nick name the “Ice Queen” honestly. Then one fateful day I found myself admitted to the hospital and within hours was told I have type one Diabetes.

I have spoken recently to other diabetics as well as some doctors and they all agree, elevated blood glucose levels have an altering affect on ones mood. If left untreated (as I was for many years) the onset of depression-like symptoms will exist.

Even now that I am on regular 4 times a day Insulin treatment (I am a Daily Multiple Injector or DMI) I still notice mood swings when my bg is high. In fact the past 3 days my bg has been steadily high ranging from 10 – 17 (180-306) and my mood has been that of a grizzly bear just woken from his hibernation.

A doctor once told me that my depression was causing me to feel sick. I told her she was wrong – that it was feeling sick all the time that was causing me to be depressed. Another doctor finally convinced me to take an anti anxiety medication for 6 months about one year after being diagnosed with diabetes and it did help. I slowly weaned myself off as I became more able to control and manage my bg levels.

I can imagine any illness can cause a person to feel down, depressed and angry. Medical tests have shown that elevated bg levels has an effect on a person’s mood. I don’t like feeling sad or angry all the time. So I do my best to regulate my bg levels but sometimes just dealing with people (the questions, the comments, the ignorance) is enough to set me into a funk; add elevated bg to the mix and I just want to hide from the world or lash out at it.

Thankfully I have Mr. Frodo – my 6.5 year old Golden Doodle. He provides unconditional love, is never judgmental, reduces my caloric and carb intake by one quarter (he always gets some of what I eat) is always up for a walk to the park and doesn’t mind if I cry.

Diabetes is here to stay. Depression I will probably always battle and Mr. Frodo is my life line as he truly is my Diabetes Buddy.

How Much Information is TOO Much Information?

2010-07-23T16:25:00.000-04:00

I have always believed that knowledge is power; the more ones knows about a topic the better. I love learning. But can we become over educated – over sensitized?

Over the past few months (since I got married in May actually) I have been thinking that I need to take more of an active role in my diabetic life. Maybe it’s the realization that it is no longer just about me – that someone who loves me wants me to be healthy and happy – which has made me pull me head out of the sand (ok that’s not the word I was gonna use…) and deal with it.

Step one – Blog about it. Check. Step two – look into ways of getting involved in the diabetes community. Check. Step three – Open a Twitter Account ?? Well I did and I have managed to stumble upon an amazing group of people who like me are diabetic. There are both T1 and T2 diabetics or in some cases parents of children with diabtes and they are all dealing with the life they have been given the best they can. Amazing stories. Amazing Blogs. And Amazing support.

So why do I feel so aggitated and grumpy this week?? My bg is in range so I can’t blame diabetes. The weather is rediculously hot and humid but whatever… I am making a consorted effort not to eat carbs (ok that could make anyone a bit testy). But no, I have decided it is sensory overload! Too much information running through my head. For 6 years I have lived in an ignorant world of utter bliss. I have been managing diabetes on my own – not secretly exactly, because anyone who know me knows I am diabetic – but definatly I have been doing it alone. My husband is so amazing – supportive and caring and sometimes annoying with his constant reminder that a certain food choice is not a good choice… But he does not have to prick his finger 4, 8, 20 times a day to get bg readings. He does not have to remember to take insulin with every meal or at bed time and guess at the amount because of uncertainty of what reaction what foods will have to bg levels. He does not have the anxiety and adreanaline rush of waking up at 4 in the morning with hypoglycemia or worry about taking a snack when we walk the dog. He does not have to suffer through the aches and pains of lymphedema just because of sitting too long.

It felt very lonely to be the only one. I have begun to resent friends and aquaintances who suggest going for dinner and then decide 8 pm is the ideal dinner time for everyone – well, you know what? 8pm doesn’t work for me. Sorry. But of course I don’t say this. Instead I am flexible and agreeable and eat at 8 (actually usually closer to 8:30 or 9:00 by the time food arrives) because I don’t want to be bothered with dealing with diabetes or my friends or the thoughts and comments that I'm one of those "special needs" people or difficult and instead I deal reactively with the fluctuations in bg levels.

For the first time in 6 years I am angry. Not angry because I have diabetes but angry because it is hard to be a diabetic sometimes. Now I have found a community of diabetics and hearing their stories and talking to them will help in the long run I am sure, but right now I am overwhelmed.

An Apple a Day

2010-07-22T17:26:00.000-04:00

An apple a day keeps the doctor away or so the saying goes. So what if you eat 2 apples a day? Or 5? Or 10!

Well I decided to give it a try. If one apple a day keeps the doctor away I figure 3 or more will keep the need for the special doctors (endocrinologists etc.) at bay!

I did notice that for me (not all diabetics react to all foods the same way) eating a couple apples a day did help calm my cravings for – well, food…. – but also helped control my blood glucose (bg) levels. Now, is it because of the fiber in the apple takes a longer amount of time to digest and therefore longer to raise bg levels? Or is it because the fiber in the apple helped make me feel full which helped me eat more sensibly throughout the day therefore reducing the sugar highs and lows that a diabetic can normally experience? Dunno... I'm not a nutritionist...

I like to “experiment” with my diet. I like to try foods and see what the effect is on my bg levels. I feel that by doing this I have a better understanding of how my body reacts to that food and therefore how much insulin I need to inject to compensate for it. – This is my disclaimer – I do this because I learn by doing, I don’t recommend this as a standard practice for everyone.

Not only have I experimented with apples, but also cherries and pears and bananas, peaches, plums, berries etc. During that whole time in my late teens and early twenties (when I was sick but just didn’t know with what), I avoided fruit. It was one food group that made me feel crappy! The apple was one exception. Thank goodness because I was probably in serious danger of scurvy! Ok, maybe not as I did eat other foods/vegitables high vitamin C, but fruit is a great way to get vitamins and fiber.

So, does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Well I can tell you that I am horrified by the quality of care I receive by medical practitioners here in Canada. I live in the largest city in Canada; one of the largest cities in the world in a 1st world nation and I see a family GP who keeps telling me “No need for you to see and Endocrinologist. They are for people with issues managing their diabetes”. I am not even sue why I NEED a referral to see and Endo – It’s not like I"m faking Diabetes. So I guess my apple regime is helping me, for the time being.

Eat for Purpose – Not for Taste

2010-07-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

I once belonged to a Gym where mostly professional body builders worked out. It was a small independent gym in cute neighbourhood community. Being that most of the patrons were serious about their bodies and the food they put into it, it was no surprise that on the wall was a poster developed by the owner (she was a professional body builder and won 2 international competitions) that said “Eat for Purpose, NOT for Taste”.

I was serious about my workout and I did eat healthy – or so I thought. But the notion of eating merely for purpose and not enjoying the food I ate seemed, well, seriously flawed. All food, so I thought, could be enjoyed as long as it was done in moderation and consumed with a healthy dose of exercise.

Being raised by parents of a farming background German / Norwegian decent, basic, plain but tasty foods were our staples. Meat, potatoes, in-season vegetables and boiled grain porridge for breakfast is pretty much how my siblings and I ate as kids. Much of this carried over into adulthood with a few notable additions – soda pop was a new and favourite addition to my diet once I entered University – but pretty much everything else was the same.

I was sick with Red / German measles, Mumps and chicken pox all by the age of 6 and my normal healthy self became sickly and constantly run down. As I grew into a young adult and lived on my own I went to see various doctors about my symptoms and general wellness concerns – tired, thirsty all the time, run-down, grumpy / depressed and achy all over – but after all of the doctors telling me it was in my head and there was nothing wrong with me I did something drastic – I removed EVERYTHING from my diet except plain broiled chicken, steamed broccoli and chilled mint tea. After 3 months of this I gradually introduced foods that I liked back into my diet. I began with dairy – yogurt, cheese and milk. I added nuts and other meats and proteins. I took note of what impact each new food did to me and what combinations I could tolerate. For the most part I found that these items had little or no effect on how I felt. I did not feel tired, achy, stomach pains etc from any of these foods or any combination of these foods. So, I began to re-introduce grains, breads, cereals. I took care to document what happened as I ate these items. After a bowl of pasta it instantly felt tired, thirsty, grumpy. If I had sandwiches with bread more than 3 days in a week I notices sharp stabbing pains in my lower abdomen. If I added condiments to my foods such as ketchup I again felt tired and spacey and thirsty while mustard had no change to the way I felt.

Before I began this “experiment” I had sought advice and comfort from my family physician. Then a new doctor and then another. All said there was nothing wrong with me. One doctor did take my “Symptoms” seriously and send me for a bunch of test and to a bunch of specialists. I had my colon and intestines tested for Chrone’s disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrom. One internist even took a biopsy of my intestine – convinced I might have a cancer. Finally once no doctor in Calgary could find a problem it was determined it was in my head – I was officially “Crazy”.

Well, maybe I was, but I still felt sick whether if it was physical or psychological. Over this time I began to suffer more and more from depression. After all how can one continue to feel like total crap all the time and be happy about it?

So this led me to my diet experiment. Alas, I discovered the “Atkins” diet before it was the Atkins diet. I learned what foods made me tired and grumpy and thirsty. I learned what foods did not make me keel over due to sharp stabbing pains in my gut. I also learned what foods I like the taste of and could “live with” the side effects.

Taking insulin has made some changes to my life and diet – some for the better and some for worse. Before having to take insulin I never craved carbohydrates. Now I fight the urge everyday. The first 3 years of diabetes was horrible. I craved foods that I normally would never have even considered eating – junk! Crap food! I did not put this into my body!? I was athletic and ate healthy; I did not ingest cookies and cakes and donuts… My cravings were so bad, I would find myself out at 2 in the morning going to 7-11 just to find relief in the form of a twinky. It was very, very, bad.

My husband and I love to cook together and we are both pretty creative. We both love to eat meat but are equally happy with a vegetarian meal. And thankfully, he does not have a sweet tooth. He is Asian so the reduction of rice from our diet has been new for him but he says he doesn’t mind.

I have learned to eat my sandwiches and burgers as wraps wrapped in lettuce instead of pita, tortilla or buns, and I am learning to eat soup with most all meals. I am also learning to eat more small meals or snack more frequently throughout the day. When I was very sick my body weight would fluctuate greatly from as high as 160lbs and a size 12 to an emaciated 110 lbs and size 0, these days I manage to maintain 127 lbs and a size 4-6. I usually eat 2 apples a day which helps curb cravings and blood sugar fluctuations, but my dog Mr. Frodo is also to be thanked for my trim shape as he gets about 2-2.5 hours of walks every day!

I guess I am learning to live with the principle of Eat for Purpose – Not for Taste. But it is a daily battle for me as food is not only sustenance it is a pleasure.

Living in the Moment

2010-07-15T11:59:00.000-04:00

“Life brings challenges, but I don't look at any obstacle thrown my way as negative. I see it as an opportunity for growth, to learn, and see how perseverant you actually are. I look to the many dogs I've met in my life for inspiration during these times. In my work with rescues and dogs that have been neglected, abused, or victims of a man-made or natural disaster, they are a constant reminder to live in the present.” – Cesar Millan – the Dog Whisperer

Upon reading this email newsletter subscription from Cesar Milan – best known for his TV show the Dog Whisperer - I was reminded of the importance of living in the moment. This is something adults often forget to do – something that if you watch a child or a dog play you will see so vividly. But it got me wondering – as a diabetic is it possible to live in the moment and still take care of important health regimes?

Planning and forecasting and data retention – sounds like an IT project but this is what is involved in the day to day existence of a diabetic. Planning for a diabetic means always having insulin, carrying fast sugar sources or snacks, eating the correct amount of foods and carbohydrate counting for your daily activity levels and insulin intake, even planning how much sleep one gets based on how much insulin ins taken over night. Add changes to a routine like Travel or unexpected delays to meal times and the complexity of the planning goes way up.

Data collection and retention means taking timely measurements of blood sugar levels and logging it into a spreadsheet or booklet or even downloading from your glucometer to your computer. Then you can take this information and use it to plan your meals and activities, produce predicted trending and predict the way future life events will play out. Doesn’t sound very spontaneous, or anything like “living in the moment”. Always worrying and predicting can cause a lot of stress – which in-turn also has an impact on ones blood sugar levels.

So, not planning and taking things as it comes can be harmful and have a lasting physical and emotional impact in the way of uncontrolled blood sugar levels which can lead to more serious medical complications such as lethargy, depression, heart disease, blindness, and in extreme cases amputation. Planning and predicting on the other hand can also have an impact on blood sugars levels by increasing stress and worry as many diabetics strive to be perfect but often fall short.

So, how does a diabetic person take a cue from their canine friends and live in the moment while also taking care of their health needs? Good Question! This is a conundrum that I have been working on for over 6 years – part of the answer really does lie with my dog. He is the best teacher – for he does “living the moment” naturally and when I spend time with him I too am forced to live in that moment –even if it is a short one.

Blood Sugar Russian Roulette

2010-07-12T13:13:00.000-04:00

A friend asked me today what my blood sugar level was – by this time it was already 12:35 pm. I had to answer him with “I am not sure – I have not yet tested today”. Well, shame on me! Normally I test minimally 4 times a day (morning, lunch, dinner and bedtime) but a normal day actually sees my fingers getting pricked about 12-16 times. This is how a diabetic monitors his/her blood sugar levels and can act / adjust accordingly. Without this information it is like playing russian roulette except sugar is the bullet.

Since being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 6 years ago (2,207 days ago to be exact) I have been monitoring my blood sugar levels – sometimes with more diligent care than other times. But I have been trying to make this a priority in my life; a non negotiable really... While in search of the illusive “perfect 6” this is a task that must become as regular and natural as breathing. Maybe it is time for a Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM)…

By the way - when I did test my blood sugar, the reading was 12.2 - not very good :-(...

Highs and Lows... of sugars that is...

2010-07-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

Have you ever suddenly felt light headed, shaky and weak especially after not eating all day or maybe after doing some exercise? Did you feel like you “just might die” if you don’t get something to eat soon?

Well this happens to me more than I would like. Sometimes walking around in a shopping mall or sitting at my desk doing work or even at night while I am sleeping and suddenly wham! there it is the dreaded diabetic sugar low.

I don’t participate in team sports anymore because I am afraid of being the reason our team loses if I happen to have a sugar low and have to stop to have an emergency shot of sugar. I also should not work out or do physical activities alone because I might have a sugar low and not be able to help myself if it is too severe.

As I “experiment” (really that is what it is, an experiment) with my insulin intake to food ratios I know I might experience some ups and downs, but sometimes I don’t know what causes it to happen. So many factors – did I exercise more today than “normal”? Did I incorrectly count my carbohydrates? Were the carbohydrate that I ate more or less complex that others? Is the weather hotter than normal? – there are so many factors that can impact how a diabetic body processes food and the insulin that is manually injected. Equally frustrating but maybe not quite as severe are the sugar highs. These are a bit easier to manage but sometimes even this can be a mystery and have actually been the cause of all 3 of my hospital visits.

Everything that happens to me has some kind of impact to my sugar levels – something as simple as a paper cut can set my blood sugar levels off track so imagine what would happen if I were to have a serious injury or an illness. Stress also can impact my blood sugar levels.

I have read books and blogs about diabetics who strive to be perfect but cannot seem to make it there – they must be driving themselves crazy. Maybe one day I will reach that illusive goal of the perfect “6” but right now I’d be happy if I could stay in the ball park.

Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life....

2010-07-08T16:02:00.000-04:00

Well, it has taken me a long time to get here. 2, 203 days to be exact. That is when I was diagnosed with Type 1, or insulin dependant diabetes. Everyone was pretty shocked, but I felt relief - like, finally there was a label for what was wrong with me. After 12+ years of misdiagnosis and basically living a sickly and depressed life, finally I could move forward; move on to a better way of life and a better way of feeling.

Well, that was 6 years ago and frankly it has not been as easy as I had hoped or as easy as I was told it would be. "All you have to do is get regular exercise, eat sensibly and take your insulin" is what I was told by all my medical professionals. Talk about over simplifying things. Yes, I guess they were correct; Regular exercise, a good diet and insulin injections 4 times a day is at the very most basic level what needs to be done to achieve a good life as a diabetic. But as I have learned over the past 6 years - weight fluctuations, swollen limbs, mood swings, depression, insane insatiable hunger, 3 emergency hospital visits, numb finger tips (from testing glucose levels), scar tissue build-up at insulin injection sites, sugar cravings, sugars lows, anger and frustration - are just a few of the other things I had to endure as a newly diagnosed diabetic.

As of today, I feel that I might be getting the hang of this new way of life. I am not there completely, but I am getting there. One thing I have learned is diabetes affects everyone differently - despite what the doctors will have you believe. Yes, the treatments are similar for everyone but the individual response to the insulin, diet, exercise etc. is different.